To all the women with the enemy inside

Interview with Sandra Schmoldt about the diverse mental challenges that the lockdown has brought for herself and her clients. She gave advice on how we all can recognise the negative thoughts we are experiencing and push past them to enable us to have more freedom in our mindset, gaining mental fitness.

 In a poll I recently conducted in a webinar, over half of the participants said that they pay a very high or high price for their achievements in life. The currency: Negative emotions such as stress, pressure, frustration, self-doubt, anger, guilt or fear. From my corporate communications career and from my experience as a coach, I know many examples of how we get in our own way without being necessarily aware. We keep judging, commenting, belittling, nagging and beating up. Often that inner voice is directed against ourselves, but just as often against the people and circumstances around us. The empowering news is: Once we have become aware of the harmful habits of our mind, we have the option to re-focus. So, whatever thought may be causing stress, anxiety or pressure, we use a little trick to shift perspective so we can label it as a self-sabotaging lie. For example, "I think I will screw this up!" becomes: "Here goes my Saboteur again – and he insists I will screw this up." Admittedly, this mental shift does not happen overnight. It needs to be practiced for several weeks until you feel a difference in your hard-wired reactions. A few months ago I came across an app-supported program that offers a daily and structured training in order to weaken the harmful thoughts and behavioral patterns that involuntarily run inside us. The percentage of time our mind is acting as a friend rather than as an enemy can be measured. It results in the Positive Intelligence Quotient (PQ). By building your mental fitness you train to run your brain rather than allowing your Saboteur-hijacked brain run you. A free online test quickly conveys the ranking of the nine inner saboteurs we all have, varying in characteristics and dominance. Saboteurs are the negative thought habits and patterns that live deep in our unconscious and derail our performance and happiness. And they greatly impact our relationships – at home and at work! For example, let's say we are doing a project together, and between us we have strong Stickler, Controller, and Avoider saboteurs. Here's what might happen… My Stickler ignores the hundred good things you have done in the project, shows no appreciation whatsoever, and blames you for the one flaw that needs fixing. This triggers your Avoider, leading you to feel demotivated, unwilling to share your resentment, and to procrastinate on the issues that need fixing. Your procrastination then triggers my Controller to push you to fix things, and fix them my way, as I have further lost confidence in your abilities. The result? Well, I bet you may have encountered similar situations... For six weeks, the app-guided Mental Fitness program gives a short exercise of 2-3 minutes four times a day. Once I got my seat on the app, I joined more than half a million users who had trained their mental fitness to positively impact their performance, their relationships and their wellbeing in general. Thousands of top managers and their teams report on a deep transformation after they went through the app-based program together. Mental fitness helps to tackle and intercept conflicts directly at the root before you can deal with the issue at hand in a constructive way. In the course of the program, I've learned to perceive my negative emotions for what they are: an alert signal. But instead of getting lost in anger, frustration or self-doubt, I interrupt these patterns so I can recover faster from setbacks. I focus on shifting into a nurturing mindset, using five powers I have trained to use more intentionally, e.g. empathy, curiosity and creativity. Not always easy but there is a learning curve, including amazing feedback... Mental fitness allows to (re)act with a calm, clear and appreciative mind. This is relevant because constructive behaviour is just as “contagious” as destructive behaviour. The effects of the six-week program on the growing number of users in over 50 countries are therefore cause for hope. By the way, my clients love using the app, which effectively supports and accelerates our work towards creating the changes they crave for in their life. If you are fed up with stress, pressure and negative feelings, explore more about the Mental Fitness app and do the Saboteur Assessment! >>> You can also book a free call with me! https://equilidocoaching.as.me/freeconsultation

After months at home and many rounds through the park around the corner, we finally did it again: We went to the beach. North Sea, brownish spray, white sand and a wide sky with flying clouds to the horizon. And a strong wind, typical of this area. As so often, we started our walk on the beach against the wind to be pushed by the tailwind on the way back (yes, we have to manage our energy these days...). From a distance we could already see that the sky was full of kites that danced and rattled in the wind. From the ground or from the water, they were steered by neoprene-masked figures with spray-wet hair – sometimes masterfully, sometimes not so much. Many made involuntary and somewhat awkward jumps in the air; like puppets on long threads that the wind made bounce across the beach. Others sank their kite vertically into the water and drifted in the waves while trying to launch again. Some worked in small groups on the ground and held the one in front from behind while struggling to gain control of the kite with gruff movements. I had to smile at the thought that I had dangled in such a harness a few years ago and was grateful for my teammates, who put in all their bodyweight into helping me to not loose grip. Heavy teamwork, literally speaking. I noticed one kite surfer because we passed him so close that our eyes met: he was standing in the shallow water in his steering gear, the red kite standing calmly high in the air. We smiled at each other. He looked relaxed as if he was right in his equilibrium. Was he listening to the wind or maybe listening to himself? On our way back, we saw the red kite chasing across the water at great speed and the guy skillfully leaping through the air. A master in dealing with the elements, obviously, who moved effortlessly and in harmony with wind and water. All dimensions seemed to be in balance here... We cannot control the direction of the waves and the wind. But we can learn how to be a good surfer... As we have started to pick up our lives after Corona, I invite you to take a moment and ponder what mastery means for you: What competences have emerged for you that will be useful in the future? What gives you stability so you can weather sudden headwinds on your path? How do you experience situations in which backing is necessary - for yourself, for others? What becomes possible for you if you are in your inner equilibrium? Taking a kite surfer's view is just one option to change perspective when we feel stuck or overwhelmed. You will be surprised what your inner resources can do for you if you start to unleash and train your mental power, one conversation at a time. >>> To discover more, book a free consultation with me! https://equilidocoaching.as.me/freeconsultation If this article has been useful to you, I invite you to sign up to my Equilido News (every once in a while)!

This feels like lockdown day No. 1000 to me and I realise I've seen a considerable number of dips in my MOTIVATION to keep going... 😷 Which reminds me of a call with a previous client a couple of days ago. I was actually surprised to reach her right away as she had been promoted recently. Just a few months after she had started her new job. And that new job has been her big vision of a future she barely dared to dream of when she came to work with me as a coach, more than a year ago. “It’s been absolutely crrrrazy, Sandrra”, she said with her lovely accent. “Here I am, in the job I LOVE, leading a team that is spread all over the world. The thing is: I don’t quite know yet how to lead a team REMOTELY and make sure they stay MOTIVATED in these crrrazy times…” For a split second, I had to think of my own twisted learning curve and the decades of costly corporate training that had been invested in my growth as a leader. So, this could have been the perfect cue for me to hand out some good piece of advice. Instead, I paused and chose a different pathway, one that had been way more effective ever since I pivoted my career. Instead of asking “have you tried to…? (INSERT ANY WELL-MEANT TIP ON ANY GREAT IMPROVEMENT), I asked: “When you and I were working together, what have you noticed about HOW we did it?” She responded: “Well, you never talked about yourself. You were just curious about me.” “And what else?” “You listened to me and didn’t judge what I was saying.” “And…?” “You were always asking open questions, so I really had to come up with my own answers.” “…” (SILENCE, admittedly with a big smile on my face…) “And you always kept me focused on solutions and opportunities, not the problems.” “…And with what effect?” “Well, I felt empowered and super motivated by the space you had created for me to grow.” And there she was. Regardless if your team is big or small, spread all over the place or operating in isolation just across the street - or maybe even in the same HOUSEHOLD? Just pick the coaching skill you want to apply more with your people and see the effect it has on their motivation. From the skills mentioned, what is your favourite? What else has worked well for you? Just leave a comment! Need help? >>> Get on a free call with me to tell me more about it: https://equilidocoaching.as.me/introduction If this article has been useful to you, I invite you to sign up to my news and impulses (every once in a while)!

Spending Easter at home doesn't mean we have to lock down our mind. So why not send it travelling to our future self...?