Blog Post

In constant search of equilibrium

Sandra Schmoldt • January 15, 2019

Finding the right path in life is like walking on a thin rope up in the air with no safety net. To me at least, it felt like a balancing act. A constant search for equilibrium, connecting me with all that really really matters to me.

I realised at some point that walking on that rope holds the risk that it may be someone else’s. It was defined and fixed before, and once you get on it you cannot help but move forward. Following that path keeps your mind fixed on your next step, imposing contortion and strain to keep you on track. Until at some point you loose balance, forced by circumstances that appear beyond your control. Or you take the deliberate decision to jump.

As long as I can think I always felt drawn towards the big questions in life. Who am I and how can I get to know myself better? How can I be sure I’m taking the right decision? What if a decision and path I chose turns out to be wrong? Can I learn to not give up and stay confident? And how do I best deal with change? Is there a way for me to find my perfect equilibrium and align with a purpose that is truly mine?

Loosing control, gaining control

Creating my own path for me meant to be highly experimental. I needed to try out many different things, some of them being deeply disruptive. I soon realized that my thoughts formed an important if not dominant part of how I perceived myself and the world around me. And quite often, my thoughts got me into trouble while I kept hearing from others that I was “overthinking”. On top of that, there was the struggle with my emotions that erupted without warning and swept my prudent thoughts away. And then there were times where I felt hopeless, wading through a valley of darkness, apparently without any light visible at the horizon.

My transformation led me through a variety of stages which touched upon my entire being. While hitting rock bottom, I found myself jumping out of a plane at 4000 meters above ground, realizing that the air indeed carried me. Despite the fact that I was tied to the belly of my tandem skydiver, I felt I was in control again, right there up in the air. A stunning insight which boosted my energy for a while.

Conquest of new perspectives

Soon after, I acted as a client for training purposes with a befriended reincarnation therapist, exploring multiple episodes on earth at various stages in the past and what seemed to be the future. With no dogma or expectations attached, all it took was my openness and a breathing technique that induced a trance state in which I felt fully awake yet deeply relaxed. In the series of sessions, I was thrilled to vividly experience ever-changing settings from birth to death and what seemed even beyond. Stories that were strikingly real and could be felt in every cell of my body.

It was like at the movies, featuring an unrivaled director of all that was presented on screen: I called it my higher self. According to the therapy script, each “movie” ended with a concise retrospect, filled with a wealth of wisdom and love which I felt to be true in my heart. After each session, we spent time interpreting the symbolic language that had composed my inner script, mainly leaning on Carl Gustav Jung’s approach to archetypes and symbols of mankind.

As a result, I could not help but perceive myself very differently. The sessions had turned my life upside down and helped resolve limitations and obstacles on my path. My heart-felt truth was that beyond and within me, there must be a presence which appears to be timeless, full of wisdom, light and love.

Taking responsibility of defining the path

I started to experience my life as a series of choices I was fully responsible for. At any moment, there were other options I could have picked, with course corrections possible at any time. What if I had set out to learn something which propelled development and progress in a far bigger dimension than merely limited to a lifetime? There is still little we know about universal laws of growth but spiralled iterations seem to rule the big picture rather than linear processes. Eventually, I saw my reflections confirmed by the Spiral Dynamics model by Don Beck and Chris Cowan. In my reality, this approach to the world feels like an inner compass worth following. Applying this perspective naturally put my thoughts and myself into a new relation to all things around me.

Trust as a source of equilibrium

It helped me to take things easier, releasing the pressure and fear of failure when taking decisions. And it helped me to slowly build a foundation that would carry me in times of doubt: Trust. No matter what decision I took, it would support the ever expanding learning experience on my spiralling path. If it implied a stage where I felt stuck and got impatient or hopeless, my inner compass kicked in and restored my equilibrium.

In my day to day life however, I was still confronted with a lot of stuff that needed to be handled and resolved: Was there any resource other than rational thinking that would direct me towards the decision which was truly best for me at a given time? This is how eventually I got acquainted with my intuition. It used to speak with a tiny voice at first, mumbling cryptic advice so I simply didn’t get it. It seemed to be connected with my heart which I had sensed earlier from time to time, mostly in pain when it felt broken...

Decoding intuition

I had the notion that both intuition and heart energy could be of help to resolve issues and challenges. However, the language spoken in this realm appeared to be built on symbols and images, combined with sounds and scents, going back to archaic brain patterns, archetypal phenomena and the unconscious. An abyss...?

It was the literal use of images that helped me open the door to the intuitive world within me: Tarot cards. As I was taught, I used them only in exceptional situations when I felt stuck in my head. In the twenty years that have passed, I experienced that out of 78 hidden cards in front of me, I intuitively picked the ones that helped me to make progress with the topic or question at hand. Out of interest, I used a journal to document the exact Tarot cards I had first placed in certain positions before uncovering them, always following the same structure. Over time, I saw cards representing my topics shift position until they ended up in the spot which stands for the past. It was thrilling to see my rational thinking being backed up by a wisdom which follows intuitive patterns and unintentional processes.

Focus on solutions, not problems

Admittedly, I still worried at times and anticipated all thinkable scenarios, arming me for whatever situation to arise. Fortunately, my intuition became strong enough to guide me to an approach following Steve de Shazer and Milton Erickson which would deeply affect me: Solution-oriented coaching. It applies systemic theory and a constructivist model while acknowledging and activating personal resources in a holistic way.

Built on our thoughts and senses, we constantly construct an image of the world around us while creating the path ahead of us. Everything we perceive is filtered through our neuronal system and interpreted on the base of our cognitive patterns. This process tends to prefer everything that confirms our previous construction of the world. Therefore, what we call reality is inherently subjective.

Gaining choice by switching the filter

We can turn this neurophysiological fact into a strength: Observe the filter you apply to things that happen to you and around you. Do you tend to anticipate rather worst case scenarios, threats and negative outcomes? What happens if you choose to change your perception filter to a brighter color? What if you begin to construct your world in a nurturing way, focusing on benefits and solutions that support you?

I discovered that the impact of this choice can be liberating. It takes some training to switch filters and play with the effects. Myself and many others who were coached this way have experienced the immediate effects and benefits of it, with stunning results.

So at a given time, you may deliberately jump from that rope so you can spread your wings and fly.

Get in touch and share how you want your story to progress...

< Older Post Newer Post >

THANKS FOR SHARING!

How we can learn to deal with disruption

By Sandra Schmoldt • March 11, 2021

Interview with Sandra Schmoldt about the diverse mental challenges that the lockdown has brought for herself and her clients. She gave advice on how we all can recognise the negative thoughts we are experiencing and push past them to enable us to have more freedom in our mindset, gaining mental fitness.

How to bust that negative self talk?

By Sandra Schmoldt • December 6, 2020

In a poll I recently conducted in a webinar, over half of the participants said that they pay a very high or high price for their achievements in life. The currency: Negative emotions such as stress, pressure, frustration, self-doubt, anger, guilt or fear. From my corporate communications career and from my experience as a coach, I know many examples of how we get in our own way without being necessarily aware. We keep judging, commenting, belittling, nagging and beating up. Often that inner voice is directed against ourselves, but just as often against the people and circumstances around us. The empowering news is: Once we have become aware of the harmful habits of our mind, we have the option to re-focus. So, whatever thought may be causing stress, anxiety or pressure, we use a little trick to shift perspective so we can label it as a self-sabotaging lie. For example, "I think I will screw this up!" becomes: "Here goes my Saboteur again – and he insists I will screw this up." Admittedly, this mental shift does not happen overnight. It needs to be practiced for several weeks until you feel a difference in your hard-wired reactions. A few months ago I came across an app-supported program that offers a daily and structured training in order to weaken the harmful thoughts and behavioral patterns that involuntarily run inside us. The percentage of time our mind is acting as a friend rather than as an enemy can be measured. It results in the Positive Intelligence Quotient (PQ). By building your mental fitness you train to run your brain rather than allowing your Saboteur-hijacked brain run you. A free online test quickly conveys the ranking of the nine inner saboteurs we all have, varying in characteristics and dominance. Saboteurs are the negative thought habits and patterns that live deep in our unconscious and derail our performance and happiness. And they greatly impact our relationships – at home and at work! For example, let's say we are doing a project together, and between us we have strong Stickler, Controller, and Avoider saboteurs. Here's what might happen… My Stickler ignores the hundred good things you have done in the project, shows no appreciation whatsoever, and blames you for the one flaw that needs fixing. This triggers your Avoider, leading you to feel demotivated, unwilling to share your resentment, and to procrastinate on the issues that need fixing. Your procrastination then triggers my Controller to push you to fix things, and fix them my way, as I have further lost confidence in your abilities. The result? Well, I bet you may have encountered similar situations... For six weeks, the app-guided Mental Fitness program gives a short exercise of 2-3 minutes four times a day. Once I got my seat on the app, I joined more than half a million users who had trained their mental fitness to positively impact their performance, their relationships and their wellbeing in general. Thousands of top managers and their teams report on a deep transformation after they went through the app-based program together. Mental fitness helps to tackle and intercept conflicts directly at the root before you can deal with the issue at hand in a constructive way. In the course of the program, I've learned to perceive my negative emotions for what they are: an alert signal. But instead of getting lost in anger, frustration or self-doubt, I interrupt these patterns so I can recover faster from setbacks. I focus on shifting into a nurturing mindset, using five powers I have trained to use more intentionally, e.g. empathy, curiosity and creativity. Not always easy but there is a learning curve, including amazing feedback... Mental fitness allows to (re)act with a calm, clear and appreciative mind. This is relevant because constructive behaviour is just as “contagious” as destructive behaviour. The effects of the six-week program on the growing number of users in over 50 countries are therefore cause for hope. By the way, my clients love using the app, which effectively supports and accelerates our work towards creating the changes they crave for in their life. If you are fed up with stress, pressure and negative feelings, explore more about the Mental Fitness app and do the Saboteur Assessment! >>> You can also book a free call with me! https://equilidocoaching.as.me/freeconsultation

In search of control? Kitesurfing may help

By Sandra Schmoldt • June 23, 2020

After months at home and many rounds through the park around the corner, we finally did it again: We went to the beach. North Sea, brownish spray, white sand and a wide sky with flying clouds to the horizon. And a strong wind, typical of this area. As so often, we started our walk on the beach against the wind to be pushed by the tailwind on the way back (yes, we have to manage our energy these days...). From a distance we could already see that the sky was full of kites that danced and rattled in the wind. From the ground or from the water, they were steered by neoprene-masked figures with spray-wet hair – sometimes masterfully, sometimes not so much. Many made involuntary and somewhat awkward jumps in the air; like puppets on long threads that the wind made bounce across the beach. Others sank their kite vertically into the water and drifted in the waves while trying to launch again. Some worked in small groups on the ground and held the one in front from behind while struggling to gain control of the kite with gruff movements. I had to smile at the thought that I had dangled in such a harness a few years ago and was grateful for my teammates, who put in all their bodyweight into helping me to not loose grip. Heavy teamwork, literally speaking. I noticed one kite surfer because we passed him so close that our eyes met: he was standing in the shallow water in his steering gear, the red kite standing calmly high in the air. We smiled at each other. He looked relaxed as if he was right in his equilibrium. Was he listening to the wind or maybe listening to himself? On our way back, we saw the red kite chasing across the water at great speed and the guy skillfully leaping through the air. A master in dealing with the elements, obviously, who moved effortlessly and in harmony with wind and water. All dimensions seemed to be in balance here... We cannot control the direction of the waves and the wind. But we can learn how to be a good surfer... As we have started to pick up our lives after Corona, I invite you to take a moment and ponder what mastery means for you: What competences have emerged for you that will be useful in the future? What gives you stability so you can weather sudden headwinds on your path? How do you experience situations in which backing is necessary - for yourself, for others? What becomes possible for you if you are in your inner equilibrium? Taking a kite surfer's view is just one option to change perspective when we feel stuck or overwhelmed. You will be surprised what your inner resources can do for you if you start to unleash and train your mental power, one conversation at a time. >>> To discover more, book a free consultation with me! https://equilidocoaching.as.me/freeconsultation If this article has been useful to you, I invite you to sign up to my Equilido News (every once in a while)!

How to motivate others while working remotely

By Sandra Schmoldt • May 1, 2020

This feels like lockdown day No. 1000 to me and I realise I've seen a considerable number of dips in my MOTIVATION to keep going... 😷 Which reminds me of a call with a previous client a couple of days ago. I was actually surprised to reach her right away as she had been promoted recently. Just a few months after she had started her new job. And that new job has been her big vision of a future she barely dared to dream of when she came to work with me as a coach, more than a year ago. “It’s been absolutely crrrrazy, Sandrra”, she said with her lovely accent. “Here I am, in the job I LOVE, leading a team that is spread all over the world. The thing is: I don’t quite know yet how to lead a team REMOTELY and make sure they stay MOTIVATED in these crrrazy times…” For a split second, I had to think of my own twisted learning curve and the decades of costly corporate training that had been invested in my growth as a leader. So, this could have been the perfect cue for me to hand out some good piece of advice. Instead, I paused and chose a different pathway, one that had been way more effective ever since I pivoted my career. Instead of asking “have you tried to…? (INSERT ANY WELL-MEANT TIP ON ANY GREAT IMPROVEMENT), I asked: “When you and I were working together, what have you noticed about HOW we did it?” She responded: “Well, you never talked about yourself. You were just curious about me.” “And what else?” “You listened to me and didn’t judge what I was saying.” “And…?” “You were always asking open questions, so I really had to come up with my own answers.” “…” (SILENCE, admittedly with a big smile on my face…) “And you always kept me focused on solutions and opportunities, not the problems.” “…And with what effect?” “Well, I felt empowered and super motivated by the space you had created for me to grow.” And there she was. Regardless if your team is big or small, spread all over the place or operating in isolation just across the street - or maybe even in the same HOUSEHOLD? Just pick the coaching skill you want to apply more with your people and see the effect it has on their motivation. From the skills mentioned, what is your favourite? What else has worked well for you? Just leave a comment! Need help? >>> Get on a free call with me to tell me more about it: https://equilidocoaching.as.me/introduction If this article has been useful to you, I invite you to sign up to my news and impulses (every once in a while)!

How do you emerge even stronger from 2020?

By Sandra Schmoldt • April 12, 2020

Spending Easter at home doesn't mean we have to lock down our mind. So why not send it travelling to our future self...?

To all the women with the enemy inside

By Sandra Schmoldt • March 6, 2020

Throughout my corporate career, I’ve spent most of my time in the future. That’s what can happen when you are in charge of people, projects, and numbers that you better make sure will stand for growth. As I put my attention on meeting deadlines and reaching milestones that formed part of yet another required success, I usually pushed myself through my days at a relentless pace. But behind the scenes, the past also played a role, certainly when it came to failures and issues that were to be avoided. What a challenge to forgive myself the mistakes I had made! At times, I found my mind spinning with regrets and self-reproaches, resulting in worries and fears about the future. I could feel my confidence shrink in those moments, and yet I had to get my act together and play strong. Rarely did I allow myself to pause, interrupting the ever-present stream of activity of my mind, jumping back and forth in a constant inner struggle. Well, that has changed. I have landed in the here and now. In my new life, the now provides a solid foundation to work with. So I can create positive change from within, one step at a time. In every present moment you have the freedom to pay attention to what is helpful to you, and act upon it in a loving way, no matter how you may view the past. At any given moment, you have the choice to dump the enemy inside and deliberately focus on nourishing and constructive thoughts that help you to grow and truly thrive. In the first place however, you will have to determine " if you are worth it ". For many women I have talked to in my life as a coach, this seems to be the hardest part, regardless of how successful they appear. This is why I have a little gift your future self may thank you for... I invite you to ponder about a couple of questions: Thinking of your life, what do you notice about your own role in determining your path? As you move through your day, which perspective on time is pre-dominant in your mind - the past, the future or the present? And which emotions? What are some experiences that made you feel that you deserve to be appreciated and loved by yourself, regardless of the circumstances? With what effect? What are some competencies of yours that have supported you on your path, like an inner team of friends? What are some ways to help you pause and savour the present moment? I'd love to hear from you! If you want to explore more, schedule your free THRIVING AT LAST consultation with me. You are also invited to sign up for EQUILIDO news and impulses (every once in a while, no spam!)